Marriage with the disabled person: infinite socialisation instead of a happy family?

Marriage with the disabled person: infinite socialisation instead of a happy family?

Olya and Lyosha’s history seemed banal and, on my deep belief, should end quickly. She is the Belarusian girl schoolgirl with the "cerebral spastic infantile paralysis" diagnosis, big problems with movement and a fair share of youthful maximalism. He is an interesting interlocutor, with good sense of humour, the young man who lived for thousands km from our country, already in solar Odessa. But, contrary to my expectations, their Internet acquaintance proceeded some years and has ended with wedding.

Marriage with the disabled person: infinite socialisation instead of a happy family?

– And here you could fall in love with the girl with limited possibilities? To meet, marry it? – I have asked once the friend to whom liked to talk frankly about life.

– Difficult question. Carriages, crutches – all these superfluous problems … It is elementary to go out for a walk rather hard. I do not know … It is necessary, that has hooked. Has strongly hooked … – he has answered.

Its answer has seemed to me then to the very honest. And since then it became even more interesting, what so "clings" ordinary young guys meaningly to "ask for troubles" and choose girls who are considered noncompetitive, at least, at first sight? For that in general to wait from such marriage?

Today I will try to ask on it Lyosha …

– Tell about the beginning of your relations. Who took the initiative?

– It is hard to say, who was the initiator though it is rather I, than it. (Comment of the author: by the way, answering the same question, Olya admitted the return). Because at that time I was a free birdie pretty long time, and as they say, the female attention has already started not to suffice. So I have caught this chance and in every possible way insisted on communication continuation though it became clear later, it used me in the mercenary purposes. Well it is fine, it already history. That Olya was a girl with limited possibilities, first, of course, confused, but then has somehow got used. We were at distance, real meetings yet were not, and the physical condition not especially affects chatter on ICQ or Skype. Probably, even it is better that we so much time did not meet in real, it has allowed me to get used and not to notice to it any more those features which it has.

Marriage with the disabled person: infinite socialisation instead of a happy family?

– And during what moment you have understood, what Olya is pleasant to you as the girl?

– Any more I do not remember, during what moment, but it was pleasant when I began to perceive it as the healthy person, instead of as disabled person. Has what is the time passed, I can not tell, it is difficult to me to allocate an accurate temporary framework, after all it is life, and such things come imperceptibly.

– And than your wife differs from others? For what it was pleasant to you? You consider what its qualities the most valuable?

– Olya has fixed me the eye on … Though eyes a little in a heap (smiles) but in them something is … Eyes – a window to the soul. And in these eyes I have seen what, unfortunately, I see in the opinion of people around very little is a sincerity, purity and feminity. The in itself person I such that my ideal of the woman, first of all, should be the woman, in all senses of this word, and then all the rest! Now, however, at it it remained a little, with whom you will be moved from that and you will be gathered. But all the same, that sparkle still burns, for what I and love it (again smiles).

In general, the person it on life very difficult, sometimes and a tail twists, but pleases one: she realises it and tries to be corrected. And still … Olya (laughs) loves sex as is strong, as well as I! (Comment of the author: and meanwhile Olya tells that sex perfectly remove characteristic for cerebral spastic infantile paralysis a stiffness of muscles so you feel then much better, and feet too become more obedient).

Marriage with the disabled person: infinite socialisation instead of a happy family?

– By the way about sex … There is an opinion that people with disability cannot be sexually attractive. What you on it will tell?

– I am sure that can. But here everything depends on the person, from what at it in the head cockroaches. One likes blondes, to another of the brunette. And here, matter of taste personally everyone. There are, of course, moments over which it is difficult to jump: if the person outwardly very strongly crumpled, plus with mentality a full pipe – then, as a rule, without options. Though, who knows, can, they and are. I, for example, have noticed that at girls with cerebral spastic infantile paralysis very much and very attractive forms. And not each healthy can such brag. So here to you I – evident, as they say, an example.

– Whether long you went to the decision to get married? Whether there were fears? What of them have come true?

– To the decision to it there were years two. On that there were reasons: school, institute, well and plus my some doubts. If it is honest, it was a little terrible. That waits further, I well realised, therefore wanted to win time, to look, as the situation will develop. I understood, on what I go and what I should face. These are household problems, the questions connected with our future children, difficulties with its further employment, well and Olga’s personal any qualities. The choice stood the very heavy. But sooner or later it was necessary to make any decision: or rupture of our relations, or marriage. The first option would be, perhaps, difficult both for me, and for it. Though is not present, especially for it. For this reason I have chosen the second option of succession of events, i.e. have suggested it to marry me.

It is a pity that during our marriage of anything especially has not changed, though on some questions it would be very desirable to see changes. I hope that this business of time, and soon everything will rise on the places …

Marriage with the disabled person: infinite socialisation instead of a happy family?

– How friends, parents have treated your choice? Whether reaction and opinion in this respect excited you them?

– Parents at me rather clever people. Have belonged with "scratch", but it is acceptable. Have told so: your life – live and do, as you want. Friends have belonged knowingly. Sharply negative I from them did not hear, though an applause did not see. To put it briefly, in private life they do not climb, the relations with me do not spoil, and for me this main thing!

(Comment of the author: It is interesting that on walk with Olya the Leshina mother generally goes. And after all its all the time needs to be driven by a hand, to watch that has not stumbled or has not fallen. Here to you and mother-in-law …)

To me to spit on opinion of others. It is my life, I build it itself, instead of friends or people around. Yes, there were moments when people twisted a finger at a temple. Others, on the contrary, sincerely admired this act, spoke "man". But all is equal to me.

– And how your life is arranged? How you distribute household chores?

– When have got acquainted, as well as it was supposed, Olga Leonidovna in respect of household skills was «a full zero». But joint efforts, me and sticks, have slowly started to achieve some results. For today shifts are, and as I consider, quite good, but it is necessary to work still. (Comment of the author: Хм … The husband know-it-all who goes for you with a stick, gives tasks and supervises quality of their performance. It is certain something brand new.) That on forces, does itself, for the rest I help it, plus we try to make so that to it it became on forces. Now Olya completely is responsible for ours with it a room, for its condition, an order and other, tries to prepare, well and on trifles. (Primas of the author: answering the same question, Olya has told, how once independently cleaned a room of the whole six hours in a row). Naturally, a lot of things is given with fight, but not its physical condition, and usual laziness and the views of some things here is guilty.

Marriage with the disabled person: infinite socialisation instead of a happy family?

– Tell, how you have usually a rest? Likely, you should be arranged under Olina of possibility?

– Differently. Happens, and at home we remain, films we look, we play games any. Sometimes we escape that at cinema, in cafe, on the nature quite often we leave. Difficult sometimes to the city or still somewhere to leave, often very strongly you waste time because of Olinogo of rate of walking but while it is tolerant. There was a case: have gone to park to walk, and park big on the area, it was necessary to go much. Hours five went and so were reached that it to herself has erased footwear, it was necessary to bear 3 km on hands. (Primas of the author: Despite the problems with movement, Olga refuses flatly to use a carriage, a hodilka or other means thought up for convenience. She explains the decision to that will get used to "support" and already never will learn to go itself. As people, it accompanying thus feel, it is possible to guess only.)

Irritates, when the wife starts to be lazy. We go, let us assume, somewhere, and it stumbles and falls out of the blue. Very seldom obeys. You say, it is not necessary what so to do, all the same to spite does. (Comment of the author: Aha, he would know that such things do not give in to any control more often!) And so I am a person not nervous and to deduce me pretty difficult.

Marriage with the disabled person: infinite socialisation instead of a happy family?

– And at last. How you consider, why the marriages similar to yours, still a rarity for our society?

– A lot of things as I consider, and the main thing depends on disabled people. How they will provide themselves to society. After all disabled people it did not govern, and an exception. Often the person with limited possibilities behaves so that it or it is a pity, or in general it is a shame with it. I understand, some things over their possibilities, but it is necessary to try to do so that it was easier to understand and respect each other. And in general, it after all usual marriage, as well as million others, with the pleasures and grieves …


For certain there will be the people, ready to reproach me in excessive pessimism of the heading chosen for article. But in it I have reflected especially personal feelings which remained after conversation with children. Too often Olya repeated that should not miss the chance given by the husband while Alexey continued told about adaptation and integration. It would be desirable to wish to our heroes of love and mutual understanding, after all how there will be further their relations, depends only on them.

Anna Yashin, BMOO "Raznye-Ravnye"