Thanks, Elaydzha! The member of the Canadian Parliament remembers

the deadborn son Thanks, Elaydzha! The member of the Canadian Parliament remembers

John Dzhalsvak

Ottawa, Ontario, on November 1, 2013.

When the member of the Canadian Parliament Kyle Sibek and his wife 2011 have learnt in the summer that they will have the third child, they have had mixed feelings. Pregnancy was unplanned and, considering age of spouses, unexpected, but pair had long ago a feeling that from four people «someone lacks their family». Therefore they at the same time were delighted to news and were frightened of it a little.

Thanks, Elaydzha! The member of the Canadian Parliament remembers

Kyle Sibek

The worst fears have proved to be true, when preliminary tests have shown that with high degree of probability the child will be born with Edwards’s syndrome (Trisomiyey 18) – the anomaly, being characterised various developmental anomalies. The majority of children with Trisomiyey 18 does not live till the birth, and been born, as a rule, die till 1 year.

When further inspections have confirmed the diagnosis, Kyle and his wife the Liana were inconsolable", – Kyle in short interview to a portal has told.

Medicine against life

«But it is heaviest, heavier than the diagnosis delivered to our son, there was a constant pressure from the doctors convincing us to make abortion – they have started to press on us even before illness confirmation», – Kyle speaks.

«The first that to us have told in hospital, after the first inspection: you should think of abortion». And it was only the beginning. The doctor who doing ultrasound and has confirmed the diagnosis, too was for abortion. It convinced spouses that they can decide on abortion at any stage of pregnancy.

«The doctor has told to us that does not consider the child viable. We should not go to Committee on ethics at all if we have decided on abortion on late term. To the wife could make abortion at any time», – Kyle remembers.
Kyle from the very beginning was against abortion. Though it never took an active position «in protection of life» – «earlier I simply never reflected on it», he considers that has joined movement for life when has seen the first-born on the ninth week on ultrasonography.

Unlike Kyle, his wife the Liana fluctuated concerning abortion. But even when she after all has decided on childbirth, pressure has renewed in other form – pair have tried to convince not to undertake any special measures to help to survive to the child.

To spouses have told about possible medical intervention – Cesarean section, for decrease in a stress of the child at the birth, possible operations on his life extension, – but at the same time persistently convinced it not to do. «You only prolong its agony. You simply let’s allow to it die», – doctors spoke to unfortunate spouses.

«Everything has been aimed at to giving life chance», – Kyle remembers, – «Where we addressed, the system offered us either abortion, or refusal of measures for rescue of the child».

Tragic and fine: Elaydzhi’s birth

Eventually, spouses have made a compromise – the Liana has gone to give birth, but has been decided to exclude surgical intervention, to give the chance to the nature most to decide destiny of the child – about this decision Kyle, according to him, will regret for the rest of the life.

Their son, Elaydzha, was born dead on January 23, 2013.

Kyle and the Liana hid from the two children Elaydzhi’s diagnosis, but at the time of delivery children were in hospital with parents. Only from the beginning of childbirth Kyle has told to children that Elaydzha is sick. When the boy was born, children have invited in chamber that they could see the brother and take his body.

Sad test by childbirth was «one of the most awful instants in our life», – at Kyle the voice is strained. «But it was and it is fine at the same time», – he silently adds. «I do not know, how it to describe. We together bore this grief. But we are happy that for a while could touch it and stay with it».

On a question about what they could regret if have decided on abortion, Kyle answers: «About that instant in hospital».

«I never would forgive myself», – he adds, – «Elaydzhe should give chance of life, let even the short. He deserved it, and I am grateful to destiny that we have given it this possibility».

According to Kyle, Elaydzha still plays important role in their family. They often remember it, and daughter Kayla keeps the photo of the brother under a pillow.

And judges who?

The member of the Parliament who has become one of the most active supporters of movement «in protection of life» after obtaining the deputy mandate in 2011, does not take out, when to it say that Elaydzhi’s life was useless, because it was too short.

«Who you are such to judge quality of another’s life, or about a human right on life, irrespective of its duration?» – he is indignant. That who will face the same heavy diagnosis at yet not been born child, he unequivocally advises «Do not give in to pressure. Because even if you take ten minutes the child on hands, it will be instants valuable to you. Let it will be heavy, but at the same time it will be well. And if you lose these instants, your decision will pursue you all life».

Life of Elaydzhy was reasonably useful already at least because it has rallied Kyle’s all family.

«Us can ask – unless Elaydzhi had a life? Why you have made it? But sometimes consequences are difficult for foreseeing. Элайджа has deeply changed our family. Not that we had problems before. But thanks to it, we have very much approached. So it has made a lot of things for us, for that short time that has carried out on the earth. He has presented to our family something very important».

Transfer: Natalia Vlasova

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