Column of the psychologist: If your child – the disabled person

Doctor-psychotherapist, candidate of medical sciences Andrey Yermoshin

If in a family there is a disabled child, and there are no hopes of radical improvements how to develop the correct, working relation to a problem and to continue to live? Mind all of us understand, what is necessary to operate structurally but how to return to a quiet condition at corporal level and to remove superfluous stress which takes away all forces? Doctor-psychotherapist Andrey Yermoshin tells about it.

In the relation to the terrible facts of reality of people should pass some stages. If the situation extreme, reacts the person to the maximum. At first it is covered by horror, there are rough emotional and vegetative reactions. The organism is energetically spent in hope that it will work. Sometimes such reaction appears useful. For example, at earthquake mother suffices the child and runs on the street, saving his and life. But if the problem long-term, constantly to live in an extreme mode it is impossible.

Such is a situation in a family where there is a disabled child: considerable improvement to achieve very difficult, completely to release a situation it is impossible. Ways of adaptation of the suffering child are limited, it is necessary to care of it constantly. Therefore it is important to pass to the second stage – to accept a real situation. And having realised it, to operate.

Transition from one phase to another passes difficult. First, people are inclined to blame themselves if they did not manage to prevent problem emergence, for example, a heavy trauma or an illness of the child. They feel sorry for it. All this is natural, but such reactions can grasp parents and long not release, and after all the situation demands the fastest updating of your condition. Though someone in a family should remain healthy and capable!

If it was not possible to take a fortress by storm, it is time to pass to a systematic siege. Here not enough strong experiences. The emergency mode should be replaced by daily work even if the problem anywhere has not got to. And here the spirit is very important. What can help?

Include reason

I pay much attention to internal feelings of the person. I will share some councils that during this moment it is possible to make within a psychocatalysis, a method of self-control which I use.

The first that rescues, – reason inclusion, collection of information, association with other people who endure similar difficulties, but have already developed "antidote" to them, maybe, have formed groups of mutual aid. Do not hesitate to ask them council. Awareness – one of drugs for primary fright and a panic.

When it became clear that it is possible to improve and correct that how many costs and where is, it is important to stay together with this information.

For a start ask itself a question: «Where in space of consciousness there are the useful facts collected by me? In air, "on the way" to the head, already in a forehead, or on a way to a body?» Close eyes and directly observe, how the competence saved up by you flows down in a body in the form of light, gas, liquid, weight … According to the patients, new knowledge sometimes reminds «cooling shower» for the excited soul and an intense stomach. In other cases they "are noticeably poured" in an organism, like sand in hourglasses

Certainly, support of live relatives, if they the adequate, positively adjusted people very helps.

The fright leaves, as a smoke

Then there comes the second stage of self-control: it is necessary to find, where primary fright in the form of what he "sits" in an organism has got? Often, on internal feelings of the suffering person, the fright appears in a stomach, in a solar plexus, in the form of a deposit or something reminding a smoke. Round it – a tension lump.

If you feel something similar, at the closed eyes observe, how all this dust, the smoke or soot depart from an organism away in the opposite direction: through what have got to an organism, through that and leave. More often patients describe, how "flue" from a stomach to the top is formed, and at the top the heads the fright leaves away. Sometimes, on internal feelings of patients, there is a peculiar whirlwind, a tornado, a tornado. It in the form of a spiral as the powerful vacuum cleaner, takes out all darkness, a dullness, blackness which in it has gathered from an organism …

After that there comes real recession of tension, the organism comes back to tranquillity. The problem remains, but any more does not injure. You have made transition with experiences to decisions and actions.

Consciousness expansion

In case in a family there is a disabled child, it is difficult to parents to accept that fact, what even big efforts yield small results. But such is a reality, it is necessary to cease to pull itself and the child, and it is simple to do that in your forces, to improve quality of life. It assumes sobering up, refusal of «psychological protection». It is a question of some kind of humility, acceptance of the destiny and special destiny of the child.

Your tranquillity on I.Q. and at corporal level is important. When it is reached, consciousness expansion becomes the main assistant. It is necessary to try to see «a life stream» as a whole, to be beyond narrow vision of and the child as something separate of a stream. As a part of big life there is also that occurs to you. Your feat is necessary to life, your love which you store in yourselves, and God it is necessary to it sees.